A very dear friend of mine(Mr Hansmukh to be precise) bombarded me with this trivial and innocuous question today and as usual it left me pondering. Why did the poor goldfish of his jump out at all in the bad bad world out?
The first thought that ran through my mind was the poor fishy must have got bored. That small bowl wasn’t enough to satiate the inner desire of the fish to travel far and have an adventure. She wanted to stroll through chaupati and juhu beaches where her friend went and had kaala khatta chuski but she never got an opportunity of even the glimpse of a drop of the heavenly water there.
The poor ‘fishy’ as well was poorly educated by its owner. ‘Fishy’ wasn’t given any lessons on risk management hence it ignored the risk of 99.99% death in absence of water and tried and explore the outside world. The guy went on a trip and wasn’t taking her along, what could she possibly do…This led me conclude may be she was aiming to jump in his baggage or the back pocket but missed the aim and landed under the table. This also indicates deprivation of physical exercise and jumping practice to the poor fishy thus weakening her motor skills.
If you really want your fish not to jump out of her bowl you should mandatorily follow the below steps:
1) Conduct an IQ tests for the fish before taking it home instead of blaming her for nothing. She is an innocent child. It can include practical tests like:
a) Putting the fish in bowl and watching if it jumps out
b) Pouring food for the fish and see if it goes for it
c) Pouring another fish of incompatible species and see if it runs away or gulps it down.
2) Bring a bigger bowl and do calculations as:
a) Measure the height of the bowl let’s say X cm
b) Measure the level of water in bowl let’s say Y cm
c) Measure the fish’s height and weight let’s say Z cm and A gm
Now calculate how far the fish can jump:
(X-Y+Z) /9.8m/s2*A/1000 (guess the rest of the formula yourself)
3)Often take out your fishy on a trip outside .To CCD or nearby icecream parlor and make sure you don’t let it become a horror show for her by taking it to non veg restaurants where it can see its fellow beings gulped down without a burp!
4) Last and most important. If you have a Bengali roommate make sure the fishy never gets to know he is Bengali. There’s an ancestral war going on between the two races due to love of bongs for fish heads. The fish might as well find it quite gloomy and sadistic to live in such environment and try and commit the crime of suicide.
After this much dose of nonsense I don’t want to add anything else though there are gazillions of thoughts still meandering in my mind. Signing off here dear friend! Adios!